I still cough up ash from that day. [ There’s an odd falter in pitch, confusion mingling with anger to hood his brow and muddle thoughts already thick with smoke and ash. They could have died. He’s never complained. ]
Do you imagine that humans have inconvenienced me?
[ Disbelief lurches against the shackles of his self-control; he’s forgotten how to blink, full to the craw with hate. She’s seen what they can do. She’s seen what they have done, to him. He breathes it, tastes it, can barely think his way around it, raking after eye contact as if he expects to see through to the answer in Cassandra’s brain. ]
I’m trying to help them.
[ The mutants aboard are too few to manage on their own.
[ they could have died; he could have died because he'd come to rescue her, and she — she is thankful for that. she's thanked him, but words aren't really enough, sometimes.
tiredness makes itself felt in a slow drag, and she finds herself looking away. ]
Humans have done worse than inconvenience you. So has a mutant. [ there are good people there, and bad ones. it doesn't matter whether they're mutant or not, is her point. and still her voice is far gentler now; there is no cruelty to echo his, only empathy. she's felt and seen some of what shaw did, after all.
One. [ One mutant among the millions of humans that set the events of his life into motion, through action or inaction.
Now that he has her empathy he doesn’t want it: she looks away and he looks down, hard-nosed and stiff in the jaw. His unhappiness sits on his heart like a lead weight, pressing it down against his diaphragm. It’s not likely to let off any time soon.
He already knows she wants to help them. All of them. No matter what.
Que lastima.
Still unsteady, he picks himself up out of the chair once the ensuing silence is sufficiently awkward. He should go. ]
Out of how many mutants, compared to how many humans?
[ mutants are not, by definition, kinder.
he's so unhappy and she has to swallow and push that unhappiness away from herself because she might otherwise drown in it, or at least that's how it feels like.
( the thought of drowning is uncomfortable — it's something she connects with morgoth in more ways than one. she could have drowned in his mind even when they were friendly, and he actually made her live through drowning in an ocean of her own blood while on arima.
she never wants to feel like that again. )
she also moves to stand. ] Erik — [ one hand reaching out, but not connecting with his arm. ] You're right. I do want to help all of them.
[ jaw squaring. ] I'd rather do it with you than fighting against you.
[ Cassandra reaches and Erik draws his arm back, away, what might otherwise have been a subtle aversion to touch amplified by the loose suspension in his shoulders.
It’s polite, as get back mothafucka you don’t know me like thats go
but still caustic in a narrow cut at his eyes and a flinch at his nose. Out of how many.
It’s not even that he thinks she’s wrong. He’s just drunk and tired and morose, slouched like the world’s most shambled male mannequin before her bureau. ]
[ his arm draws away, and anderson's hand falls to her side. a moment later, she falls into parade rest (back straight, shoulders back, chin lifted), message received loud and clear.
she doesn't want to fight him, but not for the reasons he seems to think she doesn't. maybe when he's less drunk and tired, he'll figure that out. maybe he won't. the state he's in, she's not certain she wants to try and explain it, or that he'd even listen. ]
[ He realizes a (sluggish) moment later that goodnight is goodbye, and that she has effectively told him that it’s time for him to leave, and that he has already agreed. The only thing for him to do, then, is to sigh at her like a dog with a cat in his bed and sidestep away for the door. ]
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no subject
Do you imagine that humans have inconvenienced me?
[ Disbelief lurches against the shackles of his self-control; he’s forgotten how to blink, full to the craw with hate. She’s seen what they can do. She’s seen what they have done, to him. He breathes it, tastes it, can barely think his way around it, raking after eye contact as if he expects to see through to the answer in Cassandra’s brain. ]
I’m trying to help them.
[ The mutants aboard are too few to manage on their own.
This is the tradeoff.
They need each other. ]
no subject
tiredness makes itself felt in a slow drag, and she finds herself looking away. ]
Humans have done worse than inconvenience you. So has a mutant. [ there are good people there, and bad ones. it doesn't matter whether they're mutant or not, is her point. and still her voice is far gentler now; there is no cruelty to echo his, only empathy. she's felt and seen some of what shaw did, after all.
how did they get to having this conversation? ]
I want to help them, too.
no subject
Now that he has her empathy he doesn’t want it: she looks away and he looks down, hard-nosed and stiff in the jaw. His unhappiness sits on his heart like a lead weight, pressing it down against his diaphragm. It’s not likely to let off any time soon.
He already knows she wants to help them. All of them. No matter what.
Que lastima.
Still unsteady, he picks himself up out of the chair once the ensuing silence is sufficiently awkward. He should go. ]
no subject
[ mutants are not, by definition, kinder.
he's so unhappy and she has to swallow and push that unhappiness away from herself because she might otherwise drown in it, or at least that's how it feels like.
( the thought of drowning is uncomfortable — it's something she connects with morgoth in more ways than one. she could have drowned in his mind even when they were friendly, and he actually made her live through drowning in an ocean of her own blood while on arima.
she never wants to feel like that again. )
she also moves to stand. ] Erik — [ one hand reaching out, but not connecting with his arm. ] You're right. I do want to help all of them.
[ jaw squaring. ] I'd rather do it with you than fighting against you.
no subject
It’s polite, as get back mothafucka you don’t know me like thats go
but still caustic in a narrow cut at his eyes and a flinch at his nose. Out of how many.
It’s not even that he thinks she’s wrong. He’s just drunk and tired and morose, slouched like the world’s most shambled male mannequin before her bureau. ]
I wouldn’t want to fight me either.
[ He says so quietly.
(Humble, charming, noble: Magneto. ) ]
no subject
she doesn't want to fight him, but not for the reasons he seems to think she doesn't. maybe when he's less drunk and tired, he'll figure that out. maybe he won't. the state he's in, she's not certain she wants to try and explain it, or that he'd even listen. ]
Goodnight, Erik.
no subject
Goodnight.
[ He realizes a (sluggish) moment later that goodnight is goodbye, and that she has effectively told him that it’s time for him to leave, and that he has already agreed. The only thing for him to do, then, is to sigh at her like a dog with a cat in his bed and sidestep away for the door. ]